1. Start the week by unplugging all the alarm clocks that are not yours. Just do it. You’ll be glad for it.
2. Lock the doors. You definitely didn’t do this last time but, it gets darker earlier in the day now. So coming home is scary. And you have to lock the doors so that Darth Vader can’t get in.
3. Leave the shower curtain open. Just in case Darth Vader does get in, there isn’t a spot for him to hide. It’s way. less. scary. to come home to Darth Vader on the couch reading Flannery O’Connor than it is to find him breathing heavily behind a shower curtain. Just trust me there.
4. Be sure the fridge is properly stocked with groceries. Make sure that they are healthy and nutritious groceries, too. (Translate: keep your wallet stocked with cash, so that you can tip the delivery guy.)
5. Don’t eat the entire pizza by yourself. No one needs to do that, Honey. I don’t care how alone you are.
6. Christmas music was made for this situation exactly. Start a fire and turn on the holiday tunes. This should be accompanied by pretending you live in a black and white world, it’s 1914, and you are waiting for your WWI soldier to come home. (hashtag i’m not melodramatic or anything)
7. Start a top secret project. Like turning the kitchen into a home for orphaned chicks, fully equipped with incubator and all.
8. Cookies for breakfast. E’rrrry day, son.